How Does Alcohol Abuse Affect Relationships?

The damage caused by alcohol abuse is rarely limited to the person who develops the drinking problem. Spouses and partners, children and siblings, and other loved ones are also likely to be impacted. Today’s post explores the question, how does alcohol abuse affect relationships?

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What Qualifies as Alcohol Abuse?

The question, “How does alcohol abuse affect relationships?” includes two terms that can mean different things to different people. 

One of those terms, relationships, can include friendships, families, romantic partnerships, and bonds among peers or colleagues. But what about the other term? What, exactly, is alcohol abuse?

Alcohol abuse refers to excessive, potentially harmful drinking. It can describe a single event, such as a binge drinking episode, or long-term misuse of alcohol.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) defines binge drinking as consuming enough alcohol in a short period to raise your blood alcohol concentration (BAC) to 0.08% or higher. 

For women, this usually involves having at least four standard drinks within about two hours. For men, the binge drinking threshold is five drinks over the same amount of time. 

While one night of binge drinking can have devastating outcomes, answers to how does alcohol abuse affect relationships typically focus on the harmful impact of chronic heavy drinking. Though alcohol abuse is not a synonym for alcoholism, being unwilling to curtail this behavior can be a sign that a person has become addicted.

Continuing to drink even after incurring personal or social harm – such as disrupted or ruined relationships – as a result of your drinking is one of the criteria for a diagnosis of alcohol use disorder, which is the clinical term for alcoholism. 

How Does Alcohol Abuse Affect Relationships?

It would be virtually impossible to list every way that alcohol abuse can affect every type of relationship. So this post focuses on two types of close relationships that can be harmed or ruined by alcohol abuse: romantic partnerships and families.

Damage to Romantic Partnerships

A romantic partnership can take many forms, including dating, long-term open or exclusive relationships, and marriage. Each of these types of partnerships can be damaged by the misuse of alcohol, with the severity of the impact depending on the specific nature of the relationship and the ability of the partner to protect themselves.

Examples of how alcohol abuse can affect a relationship between romantic partners can include:

• Eroded trust: Successful relationships are build on a bedrock of mutual trust and respect. When one of the partners violates that trust by drinking – or when they engage in other actions that violate that trust while inebriated – that behavior can threaten to undermine the entire relationship.
• Frequent conflicts: If one partner’s alcohol use has become a problem within the relationship, but that person is unable or unwilling to quit drinking, this is likely to become a major point of contention. As with eroded trust, conflicts that start with drinking can expand to many other aspects of the relationship.
• Health risks: Alcohol abuse has been linked with an array of health problems, many of which can be life-threatening. Someone who drinks heavily on a regular basis may also injure themselves due to impaired perceptions and coordination. Also, alcohol abuse can be a factor in sexual dysfunction. Any of these problems can put a strain on a relationship.
• Physical violence: A study from 2019, which was based on data collected over 15 years, found that men who are addicted to alcohol or other drugs may be up to eight times more likely to be perpetrators of intimate partner violence (IPV) than members of the general public.

Alcohol abuse and addiction can also lead to codependency within a relationship. This occurs when a person who drinks heavily becomes overly reliant on their partner

The non-drinking partner may believe that they are creating a safe and supportive space for their loved one until they can regain control of their behavior. But the truth is that they often take responsibility for hiding, making excuses for, or repairing damage cause by their loved one’s problematic drinking. 

This allows the alcoholic partner to continue drinking without having to deal with the repercussions of their actions, while simultaneously trapping the “supportive” partner in a life where their needs are rarely if ever prioritized.

Impact on Families

Alcoholism is sometimes referred to a family disease. This is because when one member becomes dependent on alcohol, the other members are all likely to be affected. The impact may be greatest and most damaging when the alcoholic family member is a parent.

Examples of how alcohol abuse can affect a family relationship include: 

• Financial problems: There are many ways that a parent’s drinking problem can negatively impact a family’s financial health. For example, the parent may spend too much money on alcohol, make unwise financial decisions while inebriated, or have difficulty finding and keeping a job due to their compulsive alcohol use. 
• Instability and fear: A parent who can’t control their alcohol use won’t be a reliable caregiver, which can be a source of great consternation to their children and to their partner. Chronic alcohol abuse is also associated with mood swings and financial difficulties, both of which can destabilize the family and cause the other members to live in fear.
• Divorce or separation: Given the many negative effects that alcohol use can have on a person’s relationship with their partner and children, it is perhaps not surprising that multiple studies have found that people with alcohol use disorder have an increased likelihood of divorce.
• Childhood trauma: As suggested by the three previous entries in this list, plus the lack of trust and increased risk of violence, being raised by an alcoholic parent can be a traumatizing experience. Abuse, neglect, and other adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can have a lasting negative effect on a person’s physical and mental health, including their ability to form and maintain healthy relationships of their own.

If someone that you love has become dependent on alcohol, please know that help is available for you as well as for them. 

Resources for family members alcoholics include  Al-Anon Family Groups, Alateen, the National Association for Children of Addiction (NACoA), and The Partnership to End Addiction. 

Find Help for Alcohol Abuse and Addiction in the San Francisco Bay Area

Live Oaks Wellness offers medical detox and personalized residential treatment for adults who have become addicted to alcohol and other drugs. We also provide dual diagnosis services for patients who have addiction, depression, and other co-occurring mental health concerns.

To learn more about how we can help your loved one, or to schedule a free consultation, please visit our Contact page or call us today.